Starting week 4 of Insanity this week, plus giving the 131 diet from Chalene Johnson a whirl. I can’t tell you how good it feels to be back to working out regularly. While the diet has not been perfect I am learning a lot about better nutrition and getting my body into fat burning ketosis mode. With the year I have had, challenge upon challenge I felt like Insanity was just the push I needed to get me back into focus on my health and well being. And boy was I right! There is just something about Shaun t and getting my ass kicked in Insanity that totally puts my life into perspective. While I sweat, and feel like I just can’t go on, I think of all the bull shit I have been though in life. I have survived every shitty moment and event, and have come out on the other side stronger for it. Sometimes its hard to see the glass as half full, believe you me I have lived most of my life as the half empty view. I am currently reading Shaun’s book “T is for Transformation” and I swear just like his videos, there are parts of the book where I know he is talking to me.
When my mom died and I gained a lot of weight, was facing diabetes, and peri menopause, I made a commitment to myself to get healthy not only for me but for my husband and son. When I joined Beachbody I wanted to help just one person feel good about themselves, whether it was with Beachbody or some other programs, or gym. I just wanted to give someone the motivation my coach gave me. To let them know that they are not alone, that there are so many people out there who struggle with healthy living. Health and wellness is about so much more than just exercise, its about finding a nutrition plan that fits their lives, that they can stick to. Diets are for the damn birds! Why restrict yourself to see temporary results? Not to mention the trauma it causes your insides by not fueling your body properly. Let me tell you as a recovering anorexic I know all to well the lingering side effects of not properly fueling your body and sending it into starvation mode. I am still dealing with those effects twenty some odd years later! Yo Yo dieting, pills, gimmicks, quick fix, how much money and time have you wasted to not see real life changing results? I know I hate to even think of the time and money I myself have wasted!
It’s not an easy, quick fix, pill that is going to get you the change you so terribly desire. Its hard work, research, and trial and error. Does everyone like the hard core cardio of Insanity? NO. Does everyone like drinking a meal replacement shake? No. How about tracking every micro nutrient that goes in your body? Who has time for that?? The first step in any lifestyle change is looking in the mirror and knowing that the person looking back is so worth the best that this life has to offer and they are worth taking extra special care of! Knowing that with hard work and dedication that you can do anything you set your mind to. It all begins with that decision to try. Once you do that enlist some help. Tell those around you that you want to get healthy, not just outside but inside as well. You can be as fit as you want to be but if the mind is miserable what good is it really? Take time for yourself and be selfish about it. Carve out time for you to just sweat and clear your mind. That is what my Insanity sweat sessions do for me. I think more clearly while I’m doing it. And when I feel like I can’t push my body anymore I tell myself just a few more seconds and this will be over, you can do this! Positive self talk is what pushes you farther than you ever thought you could go. You are always a cheer leader for everyone around you, why not be one for yourself?
I have struggled my entire life with that negative self talk. Back to that half empty glass. When I heard that word “cancer” and saw the fear in my mothers eyes, I went to a whole different level in my mind. I knew that I had to be the care giver and I was going to be the one to get my mom through this disease. I thought if I take care of her and give her the most love I possibly can that I could make her well. I wanted to be the one to lift her up, and be there for her like she had me my entire life. Those eleven months after her diagnosis were a whirlwind. Appointments, working full time, taking care of my home, and family, and being a care giver to her and my grandmother. I think back now and wonder how in the hell I made it through all of it really. The morning she passed I remember seeing her face, how calm she was. She had not been calm a few hours up to her passing. I will never forget her last breath and seeing the pastor, and the hospice nurse nod that she was gone from me. I remember sitting there feeling empty, like my purpose in life had just left this earth. The last 11 months I had dedicated my life to her and doing all I could to make things better for her, to help ease her suffering, to take every burden I could off of her. My love was not enough to save her unfortunately. She was gone, and I was left feeling helpless and defeated. My mom was my entire world, my dad left when I was really young and I was an only child so it was just my mom and I for years. She was my best friend. For several months I buried my pain in food, anxiety meds, and alcohol. I was so miserable on the inside, having to stay strong on the outside for my son, all the while I was dying inside. Crying myself to sleep at night, wishing my days away. Hopeless in my own sea of depression and sadness.
One day I went to a routine doctor visit, and he did some blood work. Came back and asked if I liked needles? Why? Well you are border line diabetic and peri menopause, and if you don’t change your ways you very well could become insulin dependent and have a lot more health issues to come. Not to mention the almost 50 extra pounds I had put on. So there I was, unhealthy, unmotivated, and exhausted. I did not want my son to have to watch his mother life on medication, or to lose me like I had lost my mom. I was in deep despair and did not know what I was going to do. My prior go to was to starve myself, but I had at least learned that was not a viable option if I wanted to live a long life, my body could not handle another bout of that! So I was up one night scrolling through facebook when I saw this ad for a 10 day challenge. So I messaged the owner of the page and we began talking and I joined! She mailed me these Shakes, and we had a meal plan to go with it. So I did my prep and got to work. In 10 days I felt like a new person. I had lost some weight and was feeling so much better. So I told her whatever this is I want to keep doing it. So I joined as a coach so I could get the discount and I have been drinking them ever since, almost 4 years now!
I got off all my medications, quit drinking hard alcohol, don’t get me wrong I still love my wine, but I no longer depend on it to get me through my days! I shed 40 pounds, and found a new way of thinking and being. My whole demeanor changed. I wanted to be kind, to motivate and inspire others to know that no matter what they could do anything they set their mind to! It has not been a perfect road, this year has sucked from beginning to end. And I have fallen off more times that I care to count. But here we are at the end of the year, I have survived, and I have my Shaun T back kicking my ass and my mind into gear. Back to that place where I love to be. Insanity takes me to a whole new level of who I am and who I want to be moving forward. I motivate me, Shaun in my living room motivates me to keep pushing and digging deep into who I truly am and want to become.
We can let the shitty times in life define us, or we can use it to make us better each and every day. It is so easy to see that glass half empty and have a pity party for yourself and wallow there. But then you will end up like that woman at the doctor, facing health issues, using alcohol and drugs just to get through the days, in a daze, not really giving a shit about anything other than time moving by.
One thing I know is that if you want to be better you have to do better. Read more, do your research, find foods that appeal to you and that are healthy. Nothing healthy comes from a box with a commercial, and there is no quick fix or magic pill you have to put in the work. When you do that you find out who you truly are and what truly moves and motivates you.
Greif transforms us into a different person than we were before. I know that I am no where near the person I was before my mom died. I have learned a lot about myself, and I am continuing to learn each and every day. I have a purpose here, and if I can help just one person find theirs then it will all be worth it. So no matter where you are in life, what shape your in, where you are mentally. Know that you can change, each and every day you can be better than you were yesterday, and you are worth each and every effort you give yourself to be that better person. No matter what happened yesterday, or what happens tomorrow never give up on living life to the fullest. Tomorrow is never promised and you are amazing and beautiful. Find something that moves you and takes you to a whole new level like Insanity does for me. Learn how to eat for optimum health and wellness and never use that word diet again!
Stay fit and Healthy my friends. Insanity all the way!